Wednesday, July 27, 2005

Kereta Kawan Aku

Suatu petang kat kedai mamak

Kawan aku: Eh ko rasa ok tak kalau aku jual kereta aku nih
Aku: Ish kereta baru, pakai tak sampai setahun dah nak jual?

Kawan aku: Alah aku rasa boring la pakai kereta aku yang sekarang ni. Nak gak rasa beli kereta lain yang lebih canggih?
Aku: Habis ko tak rasa rugi ke modified kereta ko sekarang ni? Tambah tukar sound system, tambah turbo kejadah tu suma? Ish kalau aku le ..menyesal giler beb...

Kawan aku: Nyesal tu nyesal le gak tapi aku rasa tak salah kalau beli kereta baru yang lebih baik untuk jangkamasa panjang.
Aku: Suka ati ko la..tapi berapa ko nak jual kereta ko tu?

Kawan aku: Aku ingat nak jual separuh harga je dari market price kereta ni? RM *&^%^$%$# ko rasa ok tak?
Aku: Hah? lor..murah giler tu. Apsal murah sangat? Kalau murah cam ni.. jual je la kat aku..tapi kot ye pun tunggu le aku dapat bonus dulu ke baru le sedap nak bayor...


Kawan aku: Alah aku nak tukar kereta cepat. Kalau ko tak mampu nak beli sekarang, tolong je la aku cari buyer kereta ni.
Aku: Laa ko ni kawan sendiri pun susah sangat nak tolong. Ok la nanti aku cuba cari kan buyer kereta ko tu..

Tu le dialog aku ngan kawan aku yang sibuk sangat nak jual kereta dia yang masih baru dengan separuh harga je! Gile kan, tu le manusia kalau mata tu dah dikaburi nafsu nyempat-nyempat. Huh! nyampah sungguh aku kat kawan aku yang tak mau dengar cakap nih. Ok la aku pun dah malas nak cakap apa-apa lagi. Pada sesapa yang berminat dan nak tengok dulu condition kereta tu korang click je sini .

Friday, July 15, 2005

Meeting Meeting Meeting

Sori le lama tul aku tak apdet blog aku nih. Kan apa baru-baru ni boss aku dari Houston mai turun ke opis aku ni. So terpaksa le aku mempamerkan bakat terpendam aku untuk berlakon dalam drama minggu ini dengan watak seorang pekerja yang sungguh episen dan productive giler walaupun aku hampir-hampir nak tertido masa meeting ngan dia tadi.
Sejak dia ada sini, asyik meeting je kejenya. Imagine la ari ni je ada 4 meeting dia organize. Pelik sungguh aku, gamaknya dia nih giler meeting kot. Yang buhsang nyer dalam meeting tu, kemain banyak le plak keje dia tolak kat aku. Amboi! apa dia ingat aku ni Superman, Batman, Ultraman ke? Hanjj sungguh ... terpaksa le aku mengangguk-angguk setuju sambil lekas-lekas menulis-nulis sesuatu yang sebenarnya cuma kiraan hutang bulanan kredit kad aku. Kan apa beb, saje je nak tunjukkan kat dia kekononnya tengah amik note le semua instruction dia tu. Padahal, takda haram satu pun aku ingat amenda yang dia cakap masa tu.
Hari ni baru aku tau, sebenarnya kat department aku ni ada ramai awek-awek omputih rupanya. Tak tau le aku dorang tu lawa ke tak. Tapi ada sekali tu masa aku buat conference meeting, ada sorang awek omputih tu kemain sedap sora dia. Memula aku dengar sora dia, aku ingatkan aku tersilap dial no. phone sebab sora yang aku dengar dalam phone tu lunak giler sebijik cam sora pompuan iklan mesin pengempis perut yang biasa kita nengok dalam TV. Tak caya punya pasal, jenuh aku dok terhello-hello macam orang gila sebelum bercakap ngan dia. Adeh.. kemaluan sungguh aku waktu tu...
Keje ngan omputih ni cam ni le, bahasa dorang tu sopan sungguh. Rajin tul dorang cakap thank you, good morning ke apa.. Tapi apa pun aku tetap pegang kata-kata sorang kawan omputih aku tu, "If I say 'hello or thank you' to you, it doesn't mean I like you". Sejak dengar statement ni baru le pandangan aku pada omputih ni berubah sikit. Aku tak suka bila nengok orang-orang Malaysia kita ni beria-ria sangat hormatkan omputih2 ni. Bila dorang kena balik negeri je, amboi kemain orang kita ni buat farewell dinner ke apa ke, bila time orang kita gi negara dorang.. habuk pun tarak. Benci tul aku bangsa yang kuat bodek cam ni. Patut le negara kita kena jajah dek omputih..
Bagi aku omputih ni pun ada gak jenis yang bodoh so tak payah la beria sangat nak hormat giler kat dia. Cukup la sebelum merdeka je dulu, kita menghambakan diri kat orang. Dan pada sesapa yang sibuk ngat nak berspeaking omputih tu bebawak sedar sikit, walau cemana lancar sekalipun korang dok speaking, kentut korang masih lagi berbau petai yang tengik ..!! Itu tanda nyer kita ni masih lagi orang Melayu....

Tuesday, July 12, 2005

Digital Camera

Mak aku cakap kalau kita baru pas beli menda2 canggih ke tak elok kalau kita dok tunjuk-tunjuk kat orang. Tak baik kita dok berlagak ngat ngan barang yang baru kita beli tu. Contohnya macam aku beli digital camera ni, jangan le sesekali tunjuk kat orang macam kat bawah nih.

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Hek elek teruk sungguh kan! Dah tu berlagak lak tu siap kasi tau kat orang, betapa rabaknya poket beli digital camera ni ngan harga mahal. Siap tulis lak harga kat blog pakai font besar-besar cam ni ..RM 1,599. Huh berlagak nak mampos kan? Eksyen je kan bunyinyer. Tak cukup lagi tu dok pi tayang le plak kenipisan digital camera tuh cam ni ha.




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Ya Allah mencinya kan, kalau ada orang berlagak cam ni. Amboi apa dia ingat dia sorang je ke yang mampu pakai digital camera ni. Tak elok tul riak cam ni, terutama lak kalau pas tu siap dengan kembang kempis lobang idung nunjuk memory-stick cam ni ha... masyallah..berlagak tak hengat sungguh!!! Ish..ish...

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Tu le korang, next time jangan le suka simpan sikap menunjuk-nunjuk nih. Ish..ish..memang tak elok tul tu. Nasib baik le aku takde perangai cam ni... tehehehehehe!!!




Ya untuk adik-adik yang baru menterjebak kan diri dalam dunia digital camera ni, abang Orange ada beberapa tips yang sangat berguna untuk adik-adik semua.

1. Kalau kita nak jimat bateri, contohnya digital camera tu masih ada banyak lagi kuasa baterinya & nak dipakai lagi untuk masa akan datang, bateri camera tu hendaklah dikeluarkan dari camera adik-adik. Ini kerana walaupun camera itu tak di'on'kan, pengunaan kuasa baterinya sebenarnya masih lagi berjalan dan kesan ini dapat dirasai terutamanya kalau adik-adik menggunakan bateri jenis rechargeable. Tapi kalau nak lagi lebih jimat, adik-adik boleh cuba pakai bateri kereta bapak adik-adik ke atau kalau nak lebih thrill lagi leh cuba gak lagi cuba pakai bateri lori ke atau motobot ..memana yang ada. Cuma jangan kasi tau bapak adik-adik ni abang Orange yang ajar!

2. Kalau nak tangkap gambar, pastikan adik-adik semua gunakan mode yang betul. Contohnya kalau mode Potrait tak seharusnya digunakan untuk tangkap gambar pemandangan. Inilah yang biasanya orang sibuk dok komplen gambar blur la atau ntah apa-apa. Sebenarnya tidak ya adik-adik, itu semua adalah kerana kita telah menggunakan mode yang salah untuk menangkap gambar. Komplen seumpama ini kebanyakannya datang dari pengguna 'first-timer camera Sony'. kalau adik-adik nak tau, walaupun camera kita boleh disetkan sebagai auto, tetapi camera tu sebenar tidak mempunyai kepintaran untuk membezakan mode gambar yang kita nak ditangkap. Pendekata, not intellegent enough to set the right mode..terror tak abang cakap omputih adik-adik?? Ini terjadi kerana camera itu takde processor didalamnya. Oleh itu jangan le adik-adik cuba membelek dan mencari perkataan Intel Inside dipermukaan digital camera adik-adik, sampai 10 tahun pun tak kan leh jumpa!

3. Yang ketiganya, masa adik-adik nak tangkap gambar tu, pastikan lighting di sekeliling cukup terang. Ini kerana flash camera sebenarnya tidak membantu sangat untuk mendapatkan gambar cantik kecuali dengan bantuan lighting yang secukupnya. Pendekata, kalau takat pakai camera cap gajah duduk ke, ayam berkokok ke, jangan le adik-adik pepandai nak cukup tangkap gambar dalam gelap. Sah-sah gambar tu tak menarik dan yang penting menghabihkan air liur abang Orange je kasi nasihat macam nih.

Itu lah dia adik-adik beberapa nasihat yang berguna, yang boleh adik praktikkan. Kalau adik-adik ada masalah jangan lupa call abang Orange di talian 1-800-88-JANGANHARAPAKUNAKJAWAP. Ye adik-adik, itulah tadi nombor yang boleh adik hubungi untuk mendapatkan bantuan abang Orange. Abang Orange akan sedia membantu adik-adik ...**gi cabut wayar telepon**..tehehehehe..

Sekian, terima kasih

Monday, July 11, 2005

Me & My Work

My friend: How did you manage to do a job that you are not graduate for?
Me: Err...hmmm...
To be honest, until today I don't know how to answer that question but the following pictures probably can describe my feelings.
My daily workload

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My responsibility

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My boss

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My weekly meeting with my boss

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The reference that I had to use to do my work

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This is what I felt when someone complained their job is worst than me

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P/S: Life suck isn't?

Thursday, July 07, 2005

Mind Test

Take a look at the picture. So what did you see? Now proceed and read below to find an explanation of what you really saw. I'm sure you will find this very interesting


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Research has shown that young children cannot identify the intimate couple because they do not have prior memory associated with such scenario. What they will see are the dolphins! This is a test to determine if you already have a corrupted mind. If it is hard for you to find the dolphins within 3 seconds, your mind is indeed corrupted!!!



Wednesday, July 06, 2005

Miss Singapore

One of the main reasons why in recent years the singapore goverment has always ensured that their Miss Universe representative vere of tertiary level education or higher was because of the following incident which occurred not too many years ago.It is the final round of the miss universe pageant and the 3 finalist, miss usa, miss malaysia and miss singapore are being asked 3 simple questions :

Mc : The first question is name me an electrical appliance starting with "L"
Miss usa : Lamp
Miss Malaysia : Light bulb
Miss Singapore : LADIO
Judge : no, no, radio does not start with the letter "L"

MC : I am going to give you 3 more chances; now, name me an animal starting with letter "L"
Miss usa : lion
Miss Malaysia : Leopard
Miss singapore : LABBIT
Judge : no, no ,no

Mc : Your next chance. The name of a famous car that starts with "L"
Miss usa : Lexus
Miss Malaysia : Lamborghini
Miss Singapore : LOLLS-LOYCE
Judge : Oh my god!

Mc : I am going to give you one last chance! Name me a fruit starting with leeter "L"
Miss usa : Lemon
Miss Malaysia : Lychee
Miss singapore, with full of confidence, smiles and says : LIEWLIAN.

This is not the end of the story, the judge consulted the board of judges determine if miss singapore shold really di disqualified; and they decided that scince miss singapore was having as many problem with the letter "L", they decided to give her another chance

Judge : OK, the final question is name me a human anatomy starting woth the letter "L"
Miss usa : Lung (applause)
Miss malaysia : Laring (even more applause)
Miss singapore : LAN CAU
the judge fainted...........!

Monday, July 04, 2005

Computer Problems

This is a true story from the WordPerfect helpline. Needless to say, the help desk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently suing the Word Perfect organization for "Termination without Cause."

Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee with a caller:

CUSTOMER SUPPORT: "Ridge Hall computer assistant; may I help you?"
CALLER: "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."

CUSTOMER SUPPORT: "What sort of trouble?"
CALLER: "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."

CUSTOMER SUPPORT: "Went away?"
CALLER: "They disappeared."

CUSTOMER SUPPORT: "Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"
CALLER: "Nothing."

CUSTOMER SUPPORT: "Nothing?"
CALLER: "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."

CUSTOMER SUPPORT: "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?"
CALLER: "How do I tell?"

CUSTOMER SUPPORT: "Can you see the CALLER: prompt on the screen?"
CALLER: "What's a sea-prompt?"

CUSTOMER SUPPORT: "Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?"
CALLER: "There isn't any cursor, I told you, it won't accept anything I type."

CUSTOMER SUPPORT: "Does your monitor have a power indicator?"
CALLER: "What's a monitor?"

CUSTOMER SUPPORT: "It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?"
CALLER: "I don't know."

CUSTOMER SUPPORT: "Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?"
CALLER: "Yes, I think so."

CUSTOMER SUPPORT: "Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall."
CALLER: ".......Yes, it is."

CUSTOMER SUPPORT: "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?"
CALLER: "No."

CUSTOMER SUPPORT: "Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."
CALLER: ".......Okay, here it is."

CUSTOMER SUPPORT: "Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer."
CALLER: "I can't reach."

CUSTOMER SUPPORT: "Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?"
CALLER: "No."

CUSTOMER SUPPORT: "Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?"
CALLER: "Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's because it's dark."

CUSTOMER SUPPORT: "Dark?"
CALLER: "Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window."

CUSTOMER SUPPORT: "Well, turn on the office light then."
CALLER: "I can't."

CUSTOMER SUPPORT: "No? Why not?"
CALLER: "Because there's a power outage."

CUSTOMER SUPPORT: "A power... A power outage? Ah, Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?"
CALLER: "Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."

CUSTOMER SUPPORT: "Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."
CALLER: "Really? Is it that bad?"

CUSTOMER SUPPORT: "Yes, I'm afraid it is."
CALLER: "Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?"

CUSTOMER SUPPORT: "Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer."